When Angels Cry
by kalipsonoin
Summary: AU - Milliardo is an Angel who has watched over Noin since her birth. But what happens when he falls in love with the one his is only supposed to protect?


~Counterpart Amiss~ chained away Angels on Heaven spied. They peeked. They prodded. They did anything and everything. Not as constrained as most thought them, they were beautiful, yet curious, yet forever and always gentle. They were invisible to the world, their playground. They toyed with the world. Their hearts were too fragile to let things break, but their wings gave them the chance to dream, and to aspire, and to wish, and hope for their Counterparts below them.  
  
I was an angel.  
  
Like the children that danced in the snow and the daisies of the Earth, I had wings. My heart was frail, like that of all Angels, and easy to be broken. But in Heaven, there was no such thing as tears. The only things that fell were dreams. They fell to the aged, who put them to use. They fell to the children, who cherished them in their beautiful hearts of gilded gold.  
  
They fell to the lost and the hungry and the sick, and gave them something that they couldn't have, yet yearned for in a way that could break you. I would weave such dreams. I would cradle them gently for a time before I plumped them and sent them off to their owner, my own Counterpart on the surface. Every Angel loves their Counterpart more than they love themselves.  
  
And every Counterpart loves their Angel with all of their heart, even though they do not really know they exist. Somewhere inside them is an inkling of understanding of the great above. And somewhere inside them is the unknown love that they hold for us. The Angels.  
  
I am going to tell you a great story of an Angel who did something that could not be done. It was not a thing that was forbidden. There is not the God many speak of. Only the Angels, and we do not have rules to be followed. We do not have advantages over one another. We are all equal. There is just a way things are. That is how it goes. And this Angel did a thing that could never have been imagined by even the oldest, most-loved Angel. It was not a horrible thing. It was just. different, I suppose. And for a time is scared all of us, another impossible feat. We feared change, after the Forevers we had served, and this made some of us wonder of the possibilities, the endless things and changes that we, the Angels, might have suffered.  
  
Our fears were never justified. But this Angel's was.  
  
He was a young Angel, only a few centuries old, and he was only recently growing accustomed to the fact that every Counterpart must die at some point. His heart broke, which was very remarkable for an Angel and which scared the others, every time his Counterpart suffered. It was nearly impossible for him to stay as an Angel, yet he labored for long spans of time on each dream he sent his Counterparts over the decades. He did not have the time to poke and prod and explore the ever-changing world with the others. Instead, he focused on his one soul purpose, the dreams of his Counterpart and their well being. They all had hearts like his-kind and loving and full of life.  
  
But once upon a time, he fell in love.  
  
The love he had was destined impossible. The only love Angels knew was the love of their Counterparts. And Counterparts came and went, yet the Angels did not weep. There would always be a new one to love, a new one too see through life. All things died, and they had no problems accepting the fact.  
  
This Angel loved his Counterparts like all the rest did, except in one instance. This one was a female, and he watched her grow from a baby to a child to a young woman. Her life was one of the most horrible he'd seen. She grew up on the streets during one of the many wars that had spanned time, and was beaten and tossed around like a rag doll. Her life was not really a life, just a state of being. Her Angel, however, sent her dreams, and she used and loved and stroked those dreams as if they were the most delicate pieces of sky, and every night she flew.  
  
Now, this Counterpart was unlike any other. She knew her Angel existed. He felt for her, and not a second of his attention was ever drawn from her, and their hearts would always beat as one. They were one. Every night they spoke to each other through their love, and as she grew, his love for her increased, until he loved her not just as a Counterpart, but as a real love, and he ached for her in a way unknown to Angels.  
  
She grew, and the war ended. She started a real life, with a home, and a job, and happiness. Her joy made his heart leap and dance, but he also still hurt, for he loved her more than an Angel should, and he could not be with her, and her need of him was lessening by the day. Her innocent wings sparkled in the sunlight, and the burden of watching over her tore him to pieces. The Angel's wings vanished, and Milliardo fell to the ground.  
  
~*~  
  
The sensation of living was unlike that of any he'd ever felt before. He was real, and solid. He could touch things he could never touch before. And he lost the ability to touch emotions. He had fallen, fallen to be a human, and his senses exploded in his mind. He could hear the bustle of life up close. He was closer than he had ever been before, and the smells and sights and sounds disoriented him.  
  
He tried to move. He flexed his fingers, wiggled his toes, moved himself through the air. He was solid, and he could not fly. He had to get used to walking, and the feeling of ground beneath him, and the touch of brick and dirt and grass on his fingers. He approached into the world he had fallen into, and nearly fell over from the bustle of the masses of people that surrounded him. He blinked, then continued on. His fingers brushed the soft clothes he wore. The long hair that cascaded down his back was beautiful, and his blue eyes marveled at the world around them.  
  
For the first time ever, he breathed. He could feel his heart beat and he could feel. It was wonderful, intoxicating..  
  
Then pain was introduced.  
  
The hustling citizens of Earth, the Counterparts of the Angels above, had places to go, things to do. And they did not see the beauty of the man standing in the middle of the road. The only thing they saw was that he was blocking their way, and they pushed him forward, until he was joined with the throng. They elbowed and pushed him, and even the smallness of their actions pained him. He broke free of the crowd, threw himself away, and was confronted with a door.  
  
He entered the bookstore.  
  
It was familiar to him. One of his Counterpart's favorite places to spend money... She would come into this place, buy a mug full of steam and a book, and sit, and read, and sip. He had never fully understood the logic of this before, but as soon as he had entered the place, it enveloped him in his comfort. It reminded him of his. home. Only. it was seeming less and less of a home as he looked around this place of Counterparts - no, humans was what they really were, and that was what he should call them - and really got a glimpse of life. Children pointed out what they wanted in shop windows across the crowded road as the sun outside shined on them during the gorgeous spring day. The smell of the sun and the grass and the earth seeped in through the door and reverberated around him and swathed him in life, and for the first time ever he felt content.  
  
He made his way through an aisle of bookshelves ran his fingers over their soft bindings and took in the smell of their pages and ink. He pulled one from its place and split it open in the middle of its precious pages. He frowned and closed the book, wandered further off down the aisle and pulled out another book, opened it to its middle, and frowned at its pages. Hopelessly, he closed the book and started to place it back.  
  
A hand stopped him, gently taking the book from his grasp.  
  
He turned his head and looked at her.  
  
And his heart stopped.  
  
The woman was examining book in her hands and was apologizing. "I'm sorry." She smiled. "I hope you're done with this." She turned it over and scanned the back. "It's just that I've been looking for it, and.." She had looked up, and now studied his face. "Do I know you?" She asked the startled man.  
  
He struggled to regain his breath. For who he was looking at was not only an Angel on Earth, but was his Counterpart. No. she was Lucrezia. Lucrezia Noin. And he had fallen even deeper in love with a woman who had always prayed for his existence but had never seen him with her eyes before - only with her heart.  
  
"I am your Angel." He whispered, and shifted his eyes, which had been set on hers, to the nearest case of books.  
  
"I'm sorry." she said again. "But."  
  
"I am your Angel." He repeated, a bit louder, and his head spun. His heart laughed at him. Yes, as if this highly rational, beautiful person was going to believe him when he said he was her Angel. He didn't even know if she still believed.  
  
He slid to the ground, his back against a bookcase, and held his head. His heart was overflowing with emotions, which he had been able to twist and change with his own hands before. He hurt all over, and he could not bear to look at the Counterpart he had fallen in love with, an impossibility. An Angel to fall in love with their Counterpart, fall in love. The whole world laughed at him, and he could do nothing but cry silently.  
  
"Are you all right?" She touched him warily, the man with wings she had seen in her dreams as a child.  
  
His breath trembled. "I will never be all right. Never." He looked at her with the saddest eyes she had ever seen. "Never." He breathed, and struggled to stand.  
  
She helped him up.  
  
"My house isn't far away. if there's anything I can do for you."  
  
He calmed himself and tried to smile.  
  
"Yes. thank you. That would be very nice."  
  
And he stood. And he walked. And she led the way home.  
  
~*~  
  
"It is a very nice house." He stated from her couch as he observed the place about him.  
  
"It's not much. it's small, but it's enough." Her head peeked through the door. "Would you prefer tea or coffee?"  
  
"Whichever you have." He hadn't really heard her, he was too involved in examining everything, including his own shoes, which he hadn't looked at closely before. Angels didn't wear clothes, and therefore they had never been a necessity. He was intrigued at this world he had only watched before, and not very closely. All he had ever known were his Counterparts. They had been all he had ever cared to know.  
  
The door opened again, and Noin set the tray she had carried out down on the coffee table, and placed his mug of tea, the delicate sugar bowl, and the milk in front of him. She placed her own down, and sat in the overstuffed chair across from him.  
  
They sat in silence as Milliardo experimented with his tea. He would sip it, add a bit of milk or sugar, sip it again, add some more, and repeat the process all over again.  
  
Eventually, its taste was to his liking, and he settled back and sipped the warm liquid, his hands hugging the cup. It soothed his nerves and calmed and numbed his mind. He let the warmth flood him. He was new to this world, only recently learning many of its treasures. But the pain in his heart was as fierce as ever, and he wasn't sure he really wanted to know anymore about this place.  
  
"What is your name?" She asked him. He loved the sound of her voice.  
  
"Milliardo." He answered simply, and sipped at his tea.  
  
"Oh. I am Lu-" She was suddenly cut off.  
  
"Lucrezia Noin." He said, without looking up. " I know."  
  
She paused before continuing.  
  
"Milliardo." she tried his name.  
  
"Yes?" he looked up at her, and his breath caught in his throat. She was beautiful. He returned his gaze to the floor.  
  
"Where are your wings?"  
  
Nearly dropping his tea, he looked up at her. "You believe me?" his voice was disbelieving.  
  
"That you are an Angel? Yes.." She almost looked regretful.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You were always there." She frowned. "Any time I needed you, you were always there. I could see you in my mind." She smiled. "I had always believed you existed, even though part of me always said that Angels weren't real. I could always feel you. It." she shrugged. "It always felt like someone else was inside of me. Someone I couldn't control, but in a good way. A good someone."  
  
"That would have been me." He stated.  
  
She looked at him. "Where. where were you, these last few years? I. I've felt you less and less. Why?"  
  
"You no longer needed me. You were happy. All of your dreams had been accomplished. And. unlike all of the other Angels, I cared about my counterpart. Your lessening need of me. hurt." His voice broke, and he felt weak. His weakness was horrible, and he hated it, but he could not quell it, now matter how he tried.  
  
"How. How did you become. human?" she asked him.  
  
"I." His voice was barely audible. "I broke away from you. Before, it had always been impossible for an Angel to break away from their Counterpart. But, unlike all of them, I dedicated all of me to you. They did their jobs then went off to play. I always worked. But I had no need to anymore, and I suppose. I suppose that it hurt too much to watch you drift away. I couldn't see it. I would do anything not to see it. Anything to not shoulder the burden of an Angel anymore. I guess. this was the only solution possibility could come up with.  
  
"But this is not better. This is worse than being an Angel, than watching you drift away. I don't think I can let myself love you anymore. Because loosing you would kill me, and I've already died a thousand times, and I never want to go through it again." He looked up at her, tears in his eyes and his voice hoarse. "You dying would do more than kill me. As an Angel I could always live on, after the Counterpart I was currently protecting died. after part of me died with them. But if you die, my dying will be of a different making, and it will hurt more than I could ever imagine.  
  
"I wouldn't be able to watch you die, even though you must, in time, as, now, I suppose, will I. It will rip me apart in the worst possible way. the worst possible way." he cried.  
  
And suddenly she was there. She hugged him to her chest, kissed his forehead and wiped away his tears. Never before had he felt the emotion kindness on such a large scale, and this made him cry harder, and his cheeks burned with embarrassment as he felt more and more lost and more and more like a child who had lost their favorite toy at the beach.  
  
Only a toy could be replaced. His heart could not.  
  
~*~  
  
He eventually fell asleep. Noin was confused by the events of her day, but the man on her couch seemed too sad to lie, and his tears sent knives into her heart. She had known this man all of her life, but had only recently met him, and already she felt a love greater than anything she had ever had before grow inside of her.  
  
She kissed him on the cheek, and walked towards the door.  
  
"Where are you going?" his voice called, and her footsteps came back to him.  
  
"I need to get something at the store." Her smile was genuine, reassuring him that she wasn't lying. He knew her too well. "I'll be right back." She squeezed his hand, and turned, and walked towards the door. She turned back for a second glance back at him before she left, and he called to him again as she left.  
  
"Please hurry." He sounded miserable.  
  
"I love you." She answered, and closed the door behind her.  
  
~*~  
  
The Angel had fallen back to sleep only seconds after the door had closed.  
  
But the squeal of tires and the sound of colliding metal jarred him awake again.  
  
He ran.  
  
Out the door, down the hall, down the hall, down the stairs, down the hall, outside.  
  
Chaos reigned.  
  
A mix of people and cars crowded the street. Voices shouted and yelled. Someone screamed. In the distance, sirens wailed.  
  
People gathered closer towards the center of the mess. Milliardo pushed his way through. A single frail figure lay in the road.  
  
"Noin." He cried, and fell next to her. "Noin? Noin! Wake up. please, wake up." He shook her shoulders. She opened her eyes, and he leaned closer to her, and her blood seeped through his clothes. "Noin."  
  
"Help.?" she trembled, looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes.  
  
"I. I can't." He said.  
  
His tears fell onto her face.  
  
She smiled at him.  
  
"I. I don't have my wings anymore. Noin, please, please don't leave me here. I'm not meant to be here. I'm not."  
  
"You are an Angel. And you will always be one. You will always be mine." She reached up and touched his face.  
  
"I love you, Milliardo."  
  
"Noin. I love you, I love you too, with all my heart, but Noin. I can't save you. I've lost my wings. I."  
  
She frowned. "What are you saying? Your wings, they are there." The world vanished. "I can see them. Can't you?"  
  
His eyes widened. "Noin! You. you." Feathers fell from her wings.  
  
She smiled at him, and hugged him to her. He paused, then hugged her back, wrapping his arms around her.  
  
On Earth, sirens sounded, people screamed, and Lucrezia Noin died.  
  
In the place of the Angels, Noin was born, and Milliardo returned.  
  
Today, they have no Counterparts.  
  
They are just Angels.  
  
They watch.  
  
And see.  
  
Dream.  
  
Love.  
  
They are no better than any other Angels.  
  
They are just Noin and Milliardo.  
  
And they are in love.  
  
And forever, love will prevail.  
  
I should know.  
  
I lived the story.  
  
~Milliardo  
  
  
  
  
  
"When falls the Angel, Heaven shall fall; And when Heaven falls - the world."  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: This is just a short thing I decided to write. It isn't long, and it would have been longer but for the lack of time and substance. I apologize for the very AUness and OOCness and lack of detail. My apologies to all who do not like deathfics. Since it kinda was one. It was in my head, and I had to get it out. Made no sense at all, either.. Disclaimer: In no way are the characters in this fic mine, and neither is Gundam Wing. Ne. 


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